SPOUSE ABUSE- SAY 'NO' AND DONT'T ACCEPT IT

It is amazing to take note that some spouses engage violently with each other. Is the partner a third person and stranger? You have entered into marital relationship very well knowing who your partner is going to be. When the relationship blossoms and grows, where you expose and fully make know to the other about your dreams, ideas, plans, likes and dislikes, where is the necessacity to engage in violance? to put across ypur interests, unless something is wrong deep in your mind. Dominance in marriage does not find a place, since both the partners are equally responsible for their acts and to children they bring up. We are suppose to be 'civilans' and to be 'civil'. When we are civil, violance takes back seat.

Any difference of opinion in any matter, has to be sorted out in a gentle manner and to be made known understandable by the other partner, why you prefer it to be as per your liking. when the pluses and minuses are amicable discussed in an open frame of mind, the arugument with more pluses will be automatically be accepted by both of them. It is necessary that understanding and as well as the ciecumstances that both are in, has to determine the outcome of that arugument. If this is the case both partners are pleased and they come to know that the decision they take is the best for both of them and their family.

Violance occurs when there is mismatch in the spouses, or, when one begins or wants to domonate the other, or sometimes to please their ego, or to terroise the other partner. Broadly abuse in a marital relationship can be of four types. Such as Sexual abuse, Verbal abuse, Physical abuse and emotional abuse.

a) Sexual Abuse: Where one , dominant, partner engages in marital rape, forcing the partner to engage in perverse sexual acts

b)Verbal Abuse: Where the abuser constantly resorts to using foul and vulgar dialects while shouting at the other.

c)Physical Abuse: One pertner slaps, beates, hits or kicks the other.

d)Emotional abuse: One belittles the other by insults, threats and intellectual battering.

the best thing to be to stop this spouse abuse in a marital rlationship, if when counsalling by relatives and by those ebgaged in trating such people does not yeild any psitive result, is to take recourse to the law. Stand up and say NO to this abuse.

Many might be lucky to bring a change in the abuser, when the abuser realises that the abused is up against him like a wall and that he has no other option but to retrack his ways to normalise hie marital relationship and pursue a peaceful life..

Raghu Natrajan

ROMANCE WITHOUT SEX IS PLATONIC

Todays young, single, people have never had it so good when it comes to relationships with the opposite gender. There is an explotion of man-women relationships and also a wide range of man-women relationships, to choose from. The predominant one is the boyfriend- girlfriend sort of relationship where both are willing and committed to get married. The lucky ones, with family support may get married, while others get married on their own and still others may engage in a sort of living-in arrangement, as long as it goes without hinderence.

The other one kind of relationship is the more mature and cool one where sex is the combining factor, but without any iato of other commitments in their relationship. Any type of relationship to be fruitfull both to the mind and body has to have an emotional commitment. So here both parties to this kind of relationship get no fulfillment from their relationship. Here the parties to this kind of relationship may tend to stay with only one partner of the opposite sex. In contrast to this one more kind of relationship is where the partners are very good companians, share all their thoughts and feelings and have sex as and when they feel. In this kind of relationship their is no guarntee that they will not have relationship with others also. It is like a free for all but not with who ever asks for. Here parties to this relationship will have something in common, such as groups, same vocation, similar interests etc.,. An off-shoot of this kind of relationship,is one where the parties have relationship exclusivily for sex.

One more kind of relationship is called the platonic love. Here the parties are like true lovers but with the exception of having sex and intending to get married. Here the parties stick to one another and do not have any other partner. Here like true lovers, they share everything, their thoughts,fellings etc., but stay as such and are not inclined to mary. This relationship is truly hard proposition to maintain, for there is a lot of difference in having this kind of relationship between parties of same gender and opposite gender. While discussing or sharing intimate details and when that position is supported by the other gender, the underlying sexual feelings makes its unsolicited apperance. The greatness of this platonic love is the parties do not succumb to this sexual tension.

Raghu Natrajan

TEENAGE LOVE-GUIDE THEM

Teenage love, nowadays, is not like what it was,as in yesteryear's where teenagers or even adults were more circumspect about their love-lives, and not so common, is noe generally pursued more openly and boldly. In some cases, they pursue it even for peer pressure. At this age they are not even sure of their future carrier option, and this love feelings only complicate their mind-set. this leads to waywardness and away from their carrier options. When a teenager is in love, he/she thinks he/she is very sure about himself/herself to handle the responsibilities of resulting relationship.This is not so in almost majority of cases. The teenage feels that they are adult enough to face the society and share the responsibilities. When the teenager is admonished or ad viced not to, they feel bad and get angry. what is needed here is for someone who can guide and make them understand the reality. It is not wrong to fall in love, but whether they are ready for a good and understanding relationship has to be seen, more so, analysed by the teenager. Certainly their age is not the right time to get commit ed to any serious relationship.

The reaction by parents when they come to know about one's teenager's love, react basically in 3 ways. One way is parents accept the love and try to be supportive. Second is that they do not take the love matter with all its seriousness and just think it to be a age-related adventure. Thirdly the more conservative parents who will blindly oppose the love outright.

To, not to go overboard or react when one comes to know about their teenager's love, one has to understand that falling in love is not something to be ashamed, and that it is an opportunity to make the teenager to understand the true value and the good and bad effects of it at that age.

First of all, this love matter has to be viewed seriously for it involves your child. Falling in love by a teenager or by an adult is very much the same, whether feelings experienced by them, or as well as the chemical changes that results in the brain in both of them.When one falls in love, this feeling of bring in love takes precedence, takes over their lives, and all other pursuits are pushed behind. In a teenager life, this puts his academic pursuits behind, friends are neglected and parents become unwanted.
Parents should accept he fact that teenager are mature enough to fall in love but not mature enough to commit to any serious relationship. Love is a necessity in all relationships, but it does not guarantee one a good and long lasting relationship. There are many other aspects to be taken into account, when one com templates to engage himself into serious relationship. As a teenager most don't have these or understand these aspects.As a result many teenage relationship end sooner than later, except in more matured teenagers, or those which are recognised and supported by the parents. Paents should take he opportunity to fine tune the teenager thinking about relationships, which will be invaluable in conducting their adult relationship.

Parents should also realise that falling in love is a necessary stage in any teenager's life, and that he cannot help out if the teenager does not confide in him. If the relationship between the parents and the teenager is open and good, then parents will surely be consulted by the teenager about their love, expecting some guidance, to which parents should be ready without hesitation putting any condition.

The teenager should be made to realise that falling in love is natural and that the age is not the right one to get into any serious compelled commitment, to his partner and at the same time not allow themselves to be compelled to engage in sexual relationship. In today's university surroundings where there is too much competition,girls are now discussing about the need to sleep with their boyfriend to gain their attention. Teenager should be made to understand not to prioritise first his love feelings, instead his first priority is going to school or college.

Raghu Natrajan

CLOSNESS AND INTIMACY - BOOSTERS FOR CONTENT MARITAL RELATIONSHIP

The seven year itch was usually referred to one or both partners having extra marital affairs. But in today's context it is referred to the situation as drifting away from eachother. This 7 year period is now immaterial.Partners tend to drift away, mainly because of boredom in their life. for boredom the partners are themselves to be blamed. A study by researchers of Stone Brook University, new york and University of Michigan, found that if couples are bored with themselves after a period of seven years, are more likely to stay bored even after 16 years of marriage. the other finding by them was, when the couples are bored with eachother, they feel less closeness. So to correcy this boredom. intimacy and closeness is what is needed in marital relationship, and to pep up your happiness.
So when you look for another partner outside your marriage, to find a way out of your boredom, it is a mute point to not believe that after another period of time you may start looking for another partner. Instead spend your time, energy in enhancing the closeness and intimacy in your personal marriage.

Raghu Natrajan

RESPECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Without respect, more so mutual respect, there is no worthwhile relationship whether between married couples,Friends,peers and subordinates and other relationships such as live-in.

Love though present in almost all relationships, it could be sustained and blown to full blossom only with mutual respect for each other.At times not many realise whether respect exits or not in their relationship but the absence of it is felt very soon and immediately.

Respect is the ability of one to extend himself to the other, for this he has to be prepared first to extend himself to the other. this preparedness will be qualified mostly by ones capability to be a caring human being and his readiness to help others who are in need.At the same time, if there is no reciprocity, even though the other might have qualities you admire.
the relation between the two may not take the right path. So there should be mutual respect for each other, though not in the same intensity. Absence of this mutual respect for each other, will bring out the not so good feelings about the other and the relationship doesn't go further. It will not look good if one has to bend a lot to plead for respect to sustain the relationship.So for a mutual relationship to blossom, it should involve meeting of ideas,tolerance to each other and importantly non-judgement attitude.

Raghu Natrajan

BEAWARE OF EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS

Beaware of extra-Marital affair, which are comman as they have been for a long time.
Yes, extra marital affairs are here and have stayed so, for a longtime. The difference then and now is, it was conducted clandestinely then, but now very open and boldly, at times as mark of diffience.
Is this in human nature?. No, but they are driven to take such a position. Who is to be blamed?. Naturally the other spouse, or in certain cases both, due their incompatiblity. Today technology and social gathering helps a lot in indulging in such a activity, but is it worth the amount of energy and time a person spends to indulge and carry on the affair?.
A few generalised reasons for falling into an extra marital affair are:
1). Sex seeking is the most common reason, unsatisfying sex at home.
2).Controlling games conducted by either of the spouses
3).Mindless felling 'of being' in a group, which is not averse to such activity.
4).Platonic relationship at onetime turning into non-platonic(very few manage to be platonic)
5).Constant contacts in workplace, social gatherings and due to the attention and understanding one shows on you (either intentionally or not)
The affair can be tackled, if both can sit together and see the reasons for it to happen, and decide to forget about it with a combined concerted effort to do so.

Raghu Natrajan